Monday, March 20, 2006

First Day of Spring Comes with Mixed Feelings

Tomorrow's the first day of Spring. Usually I am excited about this because of the colors of the flowers and the approaching of Summer. It's also my elementary school friend Jill's birthday. But this year the first day of Spring comes with some sadness. Maybe it wouldn't stand out so much if it wasn't Jill's birthday I don't know. But tomorrow was to be the due date of the baby we lost in August.

I am excited because in the midst of loss, God has provided new life. (Kinda like an Easter story, huh?) When we went through the valley one of our doctors reminded us that through everything God wants the best for us. She told us her experience and that she would not have her daughter if she'd have carried her baby to term. At the time those seemed to be empty words because they were said on top of my broken heart.

But now I am beginning to understand what she meant. It's hard sometimes to be brave in the midst of everything and act like all is good...everything is fine. But God doesn't ask us to be brave 24/7...God asks that we keep the faith. God deeply loves us and wants the best for us.

I remember when I was in the midst of grief and heartache...I let God know that I didn't think that what was going on was fair and I didn't really know what I was supposed to do with this. I heard these words, "I know what it's like to lose a child...I watched my son as he gave up his life." Perhaps it is a resurrection lesson that can be learned here. I still struggle with the whole ordeal, but each day gets a little easier. Through hope and faith each day I know that things will get better.