A Year Later

It happened August 1st, a day that would feel like the longest most painful day of my life. I will never forget the pain I felt that day a year ago. They told me it was for the best. They told me I could try again. They told me it'll be ok. There's seldom a day that goes by that I don't think of that child that I once carried. There isn't a day that I don't thank God for the little boy growing inside of me this day.

Last year I thought that all of life was pretty much over. How would I continue to go on? This year I look back. Yeah, it still pretty much sucks to lose a child. But in the midst of this all I do see new hope. I remember the midwife telling us that everyday she thanks God for her daughter that wouldn't be here if her first pregnancy would have continued without issue. I am thinking that same way about this little guy who's pushing, prodding and poking me from time to time. I am grateful for the life inside of me that we will be meeting face to face in just a few weeks. I thank God for his presence, his strength and his support.

I am thankful, too, for all those, especially the women, who came up to me afterward and shared personal stories of loss, pain and suffering. Their stories seemed to bring them strength as they sought to support me in my grief. They are proof that I am not alone...that others have walked this seemingly lonely road.

As August begins, I have mixed feelings. I'm excited, nervous and scared about the newest addition that will come into our family. There's a feeling of fear as I don't want anything bad to happen. There's this underlying feeling of sadness of the child that will never be here on this earth. Yes, August 1st will never be the same for me again...but perhaps it can be the sign of new life. It certainly has taught me how precious life truly is.

Boy, I can't wait to see this little guy and continue to praise God for his life and his presence in my life.

The Stork is Coming in Less Than Three Weeks!!

We went to the doctor on Friday and found out when the newest McKay will join our family. When we talked to the doctor we decided on the day of August 18th. We were fine because, after all, that's not until next month and it's after the middle of the month anyway.

We were fine, that is until she said, "So, let's schedule your next appointments....next week you'll meet with one of the midwives and the following week you'll meet with me just to be sure we have everything all set for the following week. And three weeks from now we'll bring this little guy into the world."

WHAT?! THREE WEEKS?!

She had to tell Jim to breathe...and it quite frankly, freaked me out too. So, now it's less than three weeks and counting...nineteen days actually. Wow...let phase three of nesting begin...aka getting EVERYTHING ready for baby.

Christmas in July

Tonight at Common Grounds we celebrated Christmas in July and it was quite awesome. We sang Christmas carols, we talked about the birth of Jesus. We served around 90 people dinner. The social hall was so packed there were very few seats left. Often times some of our people leave before the service really starts, but this evening there were about 60 people who stayed for that.

It's amazing what God has done with this service that originally began as an outreach to college students at Marshall University. However, we now serve a different congregation...the homeless and those who are struggling to get back on their feet.

We seek to minister to those who gather with us on Thursday nights through food, fellowship, love, music and the reflection. There have been relationships made that I know would not have been made if this service did not exist. I'm grateful for God's vision that took a while for us to realize, but has now become our vision...providing a loving environment where folks can come together, be fed both physically and spiritually; providing a cool place in the summer and warm place in the winter for folks to get out of the elements; providing a place where all people can truly belong.

I hope this is what we have started doing with our Common Grounds ministry...it has been a blessing to get to know these people that otherwise I would have missed out on.

Thanks God!!

Nesting Phase II

Today began the next step in nesting. We brought down some of the old clothes from the closet upstairs. Now I just have to wash them up and get them ready for the little guy to wear sometime in the next month or so.

We still have yet to find the bassinet sheets and any extra crib sheets that Jake hasn't worn out. Organization is the name of the game...trying to get everything set to where we know where they are. Now just to find the bassinet and we'll be good to go at least for the first month or so. And it's fun to show our oldest what he had played with and worn when he was just a little one. He has graciously agreed to share his clothes, toys and other items with his little brother.

Time keeps ticking...but at least we're getting more ready. I can't believe it...4 weeks or so to go. WOW!

Less than Five Weeks and Counting

I can't believe we have less than five weeks until this little guy is born. The time in the beginning went so fast. I remember thinking I just needed to get to Valentine's Day and the stress time would be over. It seems like I woke up one day and suddenly it was mid June. There's so much to do and I'm starting to get nervous that it all won't get done.

I can't remember what our timeline was with Jake...it's been a while and my memory/brain is being slowly drained by this little one. I am hoping to get the stuff out of the closet this week and get it washed...things like the bassinet, clothes and sheet stuff. We have a potential name but that won't be revealed until later. I can't believe it's getting this close...we will have to be ready but are we really? I'm excited, nervous and a little scared...all of which I remember from over 5 years ago.

As far as we know we will find out Friday the date when he'll probably come into the world. Then the true countdown will start. Let the next level of nesting begin.

Craving Ice Cream

In this intense summer heat, I've been staying inside to stay cool. With five weeks to go, I'm trying to do whatever I can to stay cool. One thing that the baby seems to be doing is craving cool things to eat...last night I had I don't know how many popsicles...and today the craving of the day is ice cream. Jim just went to DQ for some cool treats. Thank goodness for airconditioning...I don't know what I'd do without it.

Mmmmm....Pecan Mudslide.

Stay cool!

The Locusts are Singing

When I was little I remember every year around this time I'd hear the locusts begin singing. There eeee-rrrrrr-eeeee-rrrrr sounds would ring through the trees at night. The days would begin to get just a little cooler and nights would begin to come just a little sooner. We were beginning to enter fall.

I remember my mom telling me that when we heard the locusts sing it meant there were six weeks until school started. When I was little that used to thrill me...I missed many of my friends and seeing them occasionally over the summer at the pool or somewhere else just wasn't like seeing them every day. A new school year meant excitement, maybe new friends, new adventures. As I grew older that excitement stayed too...especially when I went to college.

The locusts singing meant that there were about 8 weeks until I traveled back to Ada and got to see my good friends that were separated from me by miles and various duties during the summer.

When I graduated and began teaching school, the locusts brought this feeling of sadness and a little anxiousness. Who would be in my classes this year? Would the classes be well behaved or would I have to play the role of disciplinarian more than instructor?

This year the locusts songs mean something new and exciting to me again. This fall will begin a new chapter in each of our lives...the baby will be here in less than 6 weeks...Jake starts school in about 7 weeks or so. So many different things are going to happen.

I thought back to my time as a child...the song of the locusts meant change and excitement...what would the future hold? This year that wonder and awe enters my heart again as I look forward to seeing this little one who I've carried since just before Christmas.

I have shared with Jake what the singing of the locusts means...fall is on its way. School is getting ready to start...football is just around the corner.

I picture myself years from now telling our youngest..."You hear those sounds? It's the singing of the locusts...they mean that soon it'll be your birthday...you'll be a year older...they're singing about your birthday a joyful song."

The locusts are singing....change is coming soon.

Childbirth Class #2 - Boy It's Been a While

Yesterday Jim and I went to a childbirth class at the hospital where son #2 will be born. I had a little concern because we had taken a similar class when we were pregnant the first time. I was amazed at what new things they have included in the class. This time we got to see a lot of the equipment they use to do the various things to check on you. We had the routine tour of the maternity floor, nursery, etc.

The neatest thing about the class and something new from 5 1/2 years ago when we had delivered there before was the additions to their security system. This is so cool. When Jake was born we had the bracelet thing...I had one, he had one and Jim had one. But now they do that a step further...they now put these electronic bracelets on the babies. It looks as though they are under house arrest, but it does something really cool. If someone gets too close to the door with a baby, the doors lock and the alarm goes off. This way no baby can leave the ward. Wow...talk about peace of mind.

I'm getting more and more excited about the baby. Now if we can just decide on a name.