Loss

Over these past few months but especially over this past week our community has had to face and seek to work in and through loss. Our congregation over these past couple of weeks has lost five members or former members. Most of these came as a surprise, but a few were unexpected.

Some in this community are still working through their loss with the release and publicity of We Are Marshall.

But this week loss was experienced in a different way...fire. Wednesday night, a friend and I were heading to church for worship team rehearsal. I had to make a quick stop along the way and am so glad we did because I think we could've been parked right in the way.

As we drove toward the church, something looked really really bad...there was smoke billowing into the air and you could see a yellow glow. I nervously said, "Well maybe we won't rehearse tonight," thinking, "Wow...it looks like it's coming from the church...but I'm sure it's not."

As we got closer and closer it became clear that it was in the very direction fo the church. I started to get more and more nervous...

As we got close to the church we saw that it was the building across the street. Talk about scarey. I couldn't believe the fire, the smoke, and all of he onlookers who had gathered. So many people were around...crowding around...and many of them were taking pictures...something that I think is kind of morbid. The fire kept flaming up then dying then flaming up again. Finally the firefighters got it out.

The good news is no one was hurt...the building is at least half way destroyed but no one was hurt.

Saturday there was another fire at an apartment building where a lot of Marshall students reside. The building from where we could see it on Sunday looks kinda normal, but this fire was extremely devistating. Nine people have been found dead so far and they are hoping that is all, but they can't be sure. One family lost 3 children...I can't imagine that. How terrible...how sad.

Our prayers go out to those who have lost their loved ones, their place of employment, their belongings and their home.

Our Smallest Angel

Yesterday had to be one of the worst days of my life. Not even a month ago, we found out we were pregnant...it was a joyous time filled with hope, dreams and excitement as we awaited our new little arrival. Our hopes began to wane a little last Friday as I began to show early warning signs of losing our baby. At first I thought that maybe with aerobics and VBS and all the other stuff going on last week that I had just overdone it. However, yesterday at the doctor our worst fears were realized. The baby hadn't grown from like 5 weeks and their heart had stopped (or had never started) beating. We were crushed. How do we tell Jake? How do we get through this time.

I don't know how we are to be blessed by this. I did have this repeated thought in my head, "You will help others who experience this type of loss." All the same I kept thinking, "That's nice God, but why do we have to experience this pain?" At the same time there was also this reassurance that there is hope beyond this that new life can occur. But it doesn't help to reduce the bouts of pain and sorrow I feel from time to time.

I look at Jake so differently and feel so blessed to have been blessed with him in our lives. I really realize how lucky we were with him that none of this stuff happened then.

From the time I can remember I have collected angels. Maybe it's because they're beautiful beings that are close to God...I don't know. The picture at the top is one of my favorites which now has a bit of a new meaning to me. My little angel has gone on to be with the angels. And, I believe there is hope beyond the sadness. But for now I'm just holding close to my guys giving thanks to God for allowing me the gift of their presence in my life.